Perfection
by Annamh
Summary: Sometimes twins aren't as identical as they seem. Sometimes something can come between even the closest of people. Sometimes, people see what they want to see, giving or taking what they want from reality. Patil Twins. Warnings: Eating Disorder, Swearing
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer-** No, I am quite aware that Harry Potter and all the affiliated characters and places are not mine, and are in fact the thought-babies of J. K. Rowling.

**Preface**

_Padma_

Me and Parvati, well, honestly- we could not be more different. I'm just me, slightly overweight with plain black hair and slightly spotty skin. I'm definitely not pretty, or special, plain at best, ugly if honest. Parvati on the other hand, is perfect. Her hair just suits her perfectly- she got it styled properly this summer so it frames her perfect oval face, whereas my mono-length hair just hangs there. Her skin is the same shade as mine but hers has a glow, a something, and mine's just kind of dull really, and she's never had a spot in her life. And then, her body. She's perfect, so slender but still curvy, which is supposed to be an impossibility. It's like she's had the fat sucked out of every part of her and injected into her chest. It's ridiculous! So while Little Miss C Cup is perfectly perfect and happy, and thin, Little Miss-'oh-don't-worry-you're-just-late-developing'-A Cup stays at home, fat and pathetic as ever. God, she's so perfect, that I just absolutely _loathe _her some days.

Identical? Don't make me laugh.

_Parvati_

Me and Padma, we couldn't actually be more alike- personality wise anyway. Nowadays we're not so identical on the outside; she's lost a lot of weight this summer. But, our personalities are so close that we're almost one person, a walking cliché, but it doesn't stop it being true. We always like the same movies, the same books and are good at exactly the same subjects. When our O.W.L. results came, we got exactly the same grades in everything- now that's odd. It's almost creepy sometimes, or just annoying, but it's something that keeps us together and linked, so I don't actually mind that much- I just love her too much to be properly annoyed.

Identical? It's the best part of my life sometimes.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer- **HP=belonging to JKR  
**A/N- **_Italics for thoughts. _Also, you may have gathered this, but in my story, the twins aren't fraternal, but identical.

**Chapter One-**Padma

I don't honestly remember the first time that I saw myself beside Parvati and didn't see us as the same. But I know that eventually it got to the point where I knew I was such a pathetic shadow of her that something had to be done. That was in my fifth year, and by the time we took our O.W.L.'s, my grades matched hers perfectly. I had had to revise so hard, I'd given up all my free time to my schoolwork and revision, but it paid off. But the grades weren't enough. So the summer holidays before our sixth year, I decided I needed to do something much more.

***

In front of her full length mirror, Padma stood in her underwear with a distraught look strangling her delicate features. She gingerly ran her hands over her stomach, her hips, her thighs. She turned this way and that, inspecting every inch of her body. Horrified, she walked softly over to her dresser to find her measuring tape and her diary. She swiftly marked out a chart and began to measure every bit of her body, writing each figure out as she went. As the page filled, tears began gathering in her eyes until the first fell as she measured her waist. '70 cm!?' she gasped 'I was only 63cm when Madam Malkin measured me for my dress robes in Fourth Year!' Then, as she thought back to that day, she remembered Parvati's waist had been a miniscule 58cm. _Bitch, _Padma thought bitterly.  
Now for the part she had been dreading. She padded inaudibly to her en-suite bathroom, where she locked the door and approached her sink cabinet. In it, was the pair of scales her aunt had sent her for Christmas a few years back- though none of them had any idea what she had been thinking when she thought that scales might make a nice Christmas present for a teenager. Though when Padma reflected, she thought it was probably a not-so-subtle hint from her Aunt. Laying them carefully on the floor, she peeled off her underwear and un-tied her hair, leaving the bobble on the floor. She stepped cautiously onto the pristine scales, eyes clenched tight. In a moment of sudden courage, she finally looked down and opened her eyes to take in the glowing red numbers on the dark screen. She instantly regretted it. Feeling as if she'd been kicked in the stomach, she almost fell off the scales and sat on the edge of the bath, utterly winded and beyond miserable.  
After a moment, she got up and put the scales back where they'd been since she'd first jokingly used them as an eleven year old. She could even remember the weight she'd been then: 85 pounds. Dead on. Exactly like Parvati. They had made jokes about, just another identical thing for them to share. Padma thought despondently, Parvati probably weighed the same bloody amount, even though she ate like a pig. They ate the same amount really, but Padma was now sure that she was gaining Parvati's share of the weight as well as her own. How else would she have gotten like this?  
Now back in her room, she dressed herself in her favourite pyjamas. With the lights off and under her quilt, she could still see the glowing red numbers, ghostly apparitions haunting her as she tried to sleep. _140, I have work to do. _

That morning, she woke late, and instead of going to grab a late breakfast, she stayed in her room with her diary and a locked door and began to create a new 'lifestyle plan'. Each day included at least 30 minutes of exercise and each daily menu was full of crossing out. She only ventured outside of her room once, to borrow the family computer to hastily print of masses of sheets, pages covered in calorie values of every food imaginable. By the afternoon, with an angrily growling stomach, she cautiously entered the kitchen, grabbing the smallest apple she could. She bit hungrily into it, not even noticing the taste of it. As she was throwing the core into the bin, Parvati walked into the kitchen, tying her gently waved hair into a loose ponytail.  
'What's with the get-up?' Padma asked stiffly, gesturing at Parvati's jogging bottoms and sports top.  
'I'm gonna go for a run. Wanna come with?' she asked sunnily, shooting her sister her signature, beatific smile. _Exercising? Say yes, you fat cow! You need as much exercise as you can get! _So, she nodded and sprinted upstairs to change.

An hour and a half later, Padma collapsed on her bed in a sweaty heap. Every muscle screamed for rest, but within minutes, she'd pushed herself up and began doing sit-ups. She managed 30, before she fell back on her floor, utterly exhausted and had to satisfy herself by going through the sheets she'd printed off earlier and compiling lists of the foods she could allow herself, and those she could on no account eat. By the time she'd finished, her parents were back home, and calling her and her sister down to dinner. With a groan, she changed into normal clothes and dragged her sore body down to the dining room. She stared with poorly disguised disgust at her plate. Not at the contents exactly, but more at herself, for wanting so badly just to eat everything and go back for seconds. And thirds. _You fucking pig. Control yourself for once would you?! _ As her family around her began to eat their meals, Padma dithered, fork in hand. Her mother shot her an inquisitive look. That was all it took for Padma to spear a sautéed potato with her fork and to eat it. The taste completely filled her mouth. She'd never thought a potato could actually taste amazing before, but then again, there's a first time for everything. _Maybe, just because I ran earlier, I can eat now. _And so, she began to eat her meal with renewed vigour until she found herself leaning back in her chair contentedly, with a stomach full of warm food.  
The rest of the evening went by as every other had, two hours or so spent sitting in the living room around the currently barren fireplace, Padma reading her school books for the next year, Parvati with some muggle magazine, and her parents with a newspaper or work they had to finish off. Then, they said their goodnights and separated for the next few hours before they would go to bed. Padma, exhausted by the exercise she was so unused to, simply fell into bed.

The summer holidays passed remarkably fast. Every morning, Padma would wake up at the same time as her parents, and would fill the hour before they left for work with diary writing, or exercise- or if it was a weekend, she slept in, feeling that 5 days was enough- and after would go for a quick jog. The rest of the day, she spent doing revision and trying to memorize her books. She still allowed herself lunch with her twin and dinner with her family each night. _Surely exercise and no breakfast will be good enough. _ She didn't even think about re-weighing or re-measuring herself in this time.  
In the early morning of the day she was to return to Hogwarts with Parvati, she finally decided it was time she re-examined herself fully so she could fully see the result of her hard work. She drew up another chart in her diary and retook each measurement and carefully recorded them on the lilac page in her black scrawl. She was pleased to see a difference in the figures, no matter how slight. She was slightly upset though to see she'd only shed half a centimetre of her flabby waist. Thrown, she stood in front of her mirror once again to inspect her body once again. She had no idea how her measurements were smaller though, she looked worse than before- huge bingo wings, dimpled thighs, huge beer gut. She was repulsive! Stifling a sob, she made her way to her bathroom, still hopeful that her scales would tell her something that she could be happy about. Door locked, scales on the floor, Padma once again stepped onto it, naked as the day she was born. With a deep breath she looked down at the scale to take in the angry digits glaring up at her. _134? How can I only have lost 6 pounds after 5 weeks!?  
_ She quickly dressed in her athletics gear and snuck out of her house, barely lit by the indolently rising sun. She had 2 hours before her parents would be awake, and she was going to make the most of the time. As she ran, pushing herself harder than she'd ever done , fuelled by her anger, she thought about what she should be aiming for. She knew that she had to be like Parvati. Parvati was perfect, no she was perfection. If Padma was going to be anything, she needed to be identical once again. Then she too could be perfect. Or closer to it at least. So by this, her goals were set. She needed to get her waist measurement to 58cm, her weight to 85 pounds. She didn't know Parvati's exact measurements, but she didn't seem to have ever gained weight, so she'd probably be the same. In her mind, she did the maths and decided that trying to lose 49 pounds wouldn't be sensible, let alone safe. So she decided she could live with herself at 110 pounds. At least then she might be a little thinner, a little closer to perfection.

So, armed with her measuring tape, her goals, the knowledge of body statistic spell, calorie sheets and her diary, Padma set off for her Fifth Year at Hogwarts with one aim in mind: perfection.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer- See previous, or in summary: HP=NOT MINE!

**Chapter Two**

Up, run, check, shower, pretend, study, exercise, sleep.

That was it. Nothing else consumed her day now. Two months into her sixth year and her life was programmed into her mind, and she performed it flawlessly each day, a born actress it seemed.

At first the early alarm, hidden to her dorm-mates with a simple silencing charm, was almost possible to ignore, but after a few times of sleeping through it- and the subsequent punishment of a double length run in the dead of night- had forced her into accepting the new wake up time. The sun rose with her, and just as sluggishly. Every day she threw on her dad's old sweatshirt and a pair of sweats and forced herself out onto the grounds where she would spend the next hour pushing herself mercilessly, making the most of the time she had before anybody else began to rise in the castle. When she'd finished, she all but fell into the bathroom where she locked the door and secured it with every locking charm she knew before quickly throwing off her clothes and standing before the huge mirror at the opposite end of the bathroom. She never saw what she wanted, she probably never would, even as the faint outline of her ribs could be made out and, if she bent a certain way; she could almost feel her spine. Always with the same sigh, she would cast the spell at herself, a spell she knew more than off by heart, that would be engrained in her forever, and see her age, height and weight in front of her in bright red digits. Biting back the tears that stung her tired eyes, she would step into the shower to embrace the searing hot jet of water. When she saw herself as sufficiently clean, she could allow herself to begin the day's tiresome routine. Dressed, she would wearily drag herself to the Great Hall, where she would sit beside perfection and try to mirror her with all but the food the glorious reflection consumed. When her twin reached for porridge, adding handfuls of dried fruit and syrup, the ghostly reflection went for the smallest apple and spent her time carefully slicing it up into perfect sixteenths, before allowing herself four identical pieces accompanied by blistering hot coffee, white- she couldn't stand it black, she'd swapped the tiniest bit of milk for four other pieces of apple back in the first month of school. With the colour of her drink, she could sometimes imagine it to be the same as her idol's cocoa. They stood in unison which always broke Padma's trance and went off to their separate lessons, they'd gone different ways in their choices for subjects this year but Padma was still determined to reach the perfect scores in her N.E., even with three more subjects than Parvati. During "Lunch" Padma sat alone in the library, frantically starting the homework assigned in her first lessons or perfecting an older piece. Then the lessons continued until she walked herself mechanically to the Great Hall for dinner. There she would sit, fidgety and uncomfortable, and slowly eat the one proper meal she felt she was allowed. After, she would grab a few books and her exercise clothes before she snuck off to the seventh floor, to pace back and forth until her secret haven allowed her in. Here was a medium room, white and perfect. The air was always right, warm when she first came in out of the cooling weather that cocooned the school, and by her departure, cooler to control the sweat that would be dripping of her exhausted frame. In the room was every piece of exercise equipment that Padma had ever seen and knew how to use. Here she could easily spend hours, losing herself in the vigorous routine she had set out and the books she kept with her- she couldn't afford to lose a moment of study time. She normally remembered herself, and the time and left without too much suspicion, the excuse of the library all too effective. Most times though, what stopped her was the pain that gripped her muscles, crushing the air from her chest and she normally found herself lying on her back on the cool floor, gasping heavily with no control of her muscles. After a few minutes, sometimes up to half an hour, she could usually pick herself and her things up and could last enough to stagger back to her dorm and to fall into bed. It was an exhausting routine, one that Padma was sure she couldn't keep up, no matter how much she wanted to. The three months of hard work had left her close to her goal, but the rate at which she was losing the weight she decided it was necessary to step it up. In her eyes, she didn't see how cutting out a bit more food could hurt. So the 4 apple pieces remained but now she was forcing herself to manage with black coffee. No matter how disgusting she found it, the caffeine combined with the fruit would keep her going longer and the heat of it should keep her stomach full longer, and she shouldn't get hunger pains as badly or the embarrassing growls and gurgles her stomach was prone to making in stubborn protest. Now though, with much consultation of her calorie sheets, she decided to sacrifice her rice for some salad, and her small portion of beef or chicken for a smaller portion of boiled cod. Much healthier, less calories. Satisfied, she modified her routine, adding in more water to keep her hydrated and with a slightly longer run each day. Small steps, bringing her closer to _her_ perfection.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer- as ever, I do not, and never have the rights to Harry Potter. All is belonging to JKR.

**Chapter 3**

'_Padma!' I heard my twin scream at me excitedly. Looking up, I met her gleeful expression with a wide grin, 'What's up Pav?'. 'I got us dates for the Yule Ball!' she squealed, eyes lit up with uncontained joy. Jumping up from my plush seat in the Ravenclaw common room, I grabbed her shoulders 'please, oh please tell me you're serious!'. With her fervent nod, I let out a shriek of excitement 'Oh my God! Who? How? Tell me absolutely everything!' With a giggle she explained and then, come the night of the Yule Ball, we were stood side by side in front of a large full length mirror. My beautiful sister had meticulously braided her hair; gold weaved into it perfectly that matched the glinting bracelets that were stacked on her slim, tanned arms. The shocking pink of her dress robes contrasted brightly with her raven hair, the silken folds perfectly accenting her slender frame. In comparison to the vibrant vision beside me, I couldn't help but feel a little washed out. My turquoise robes highlighted my dark skin and showed off my slender legs when I moved, the silk clinging to me. My eyes refused to linger on how the fabric accented the bulge of my stomach or how it showed how my chest had remained pitifully flat. Instead I focused my attention on the makeup Parvati had skilfully applied, black eyeliner framing my big brown eyes, my lashes insanely full and long, and my hair, flowing loose down my back, pulled back from my face with an intricate series of plaits, woven with the same gold in my twin's hair. I saw her with her perfect champion, Harry Potter with his stylishly scruffy black hair, his pale skin making him a perfect contrast with Parvati that just made them both seem yet more attractive, they worked together. I was happy for her, until I saw my partner. Ron Weasley who I had always found oddly cute. But seeing him there in those ragged robes of maroon velvet, threads hanging off the cuffs, I couldn't help but wish I'd been asked by Harry instead. Then, I saw his reaction to Fleur Delacour as he ignored me. Well, that made me feel perfect. As I sat, fed up, beside him my thoughts were racing. Fleur was perfect, flawless- her skinny, tiny frame encased in delicate robes of silver satin which sparkled and glimmered as she moved her long elegant limbs, her glimmering silver-blonde hair ornately styled up around her hair. She may have been a bitch to everyone since she got here but I knew that guys only cared about her looks, no wonder Ron wasn't paying any attention to me. Even the slender bookworm, Hermione got his attention more than me, in her periwinkle robes and sleek hair, she looked almost as sensational as Fleur it had to be said. As I escaped to dance with Parvati and some boys from Beuxbatons, I tried to stop the worry in my mind- maybe I just wasn't as attractive as I thought, maybe I wasn't perfect like my twin. _

'Miss Patil?' Padma! Could you at least pretend to pay attention in my lessons?' The sharp voice jolted her out of her reverie, followed by the giggles of her classmates. 'Sorry Professor McGonagall' she stammered, lowering her head as her tanned cheeks lit up with shame. Trying to block out the sounds of her sniggering peers, she tried to clear her head of the grey haze that had caused her to momentarily blank out. She needed to focus, she couldn't afford to call any attention to herself, couldn't risk anyone getting involved or they might see the truth and people might not see it the same way. As soon as the lesson had finished, Padma cautiously stood, all too aware of the blinding dizziness that would force her back down if she attempted a quick move. Packing her stuff away efficiently she attempted to escape quickly so she could down a bottle of water to perk her up for Potions, but before she reached the door, she heard a voice with ill-disguised concern call to her, 'Miss Patil, if you wouldn't mind, I'd like a brief word'. With a sigh of resignation, Padma steeled herself and spun on her heel to face her teacher, a sunny smile fixed on her face.

'Miss Patil, I can't help but notice a decline in your focus throughout the year, is something troubling you?' her troubled teacher questioned.  
'Proffessor? No, of course not. Everything's fine. I mean, my schoolwork is still the same isn't it? My grades haven't dropped at all.'  
'Your grades aren't the issue. Whilst you continue to shine academically, me and some of the other teachers wish to express our concern about your lack of participation in classes. You just seem rather distant and at time rather disoriented. Are you suffering from the workload perhaps? I've noticed you've taken on considerably more than most students would dare.'  
'No, it's fine. I mean, yes it's a lot of work. I suppose I'm still adjusting to it all, and I think I had a bug last week and I'm still trying to catch up on sleep from then. I'm sorry if I worried anyone' the girl apologised genuinely.  
'It's fine Miss. Patil, but in the future, report to Madam Pompfrey. She'd be more than happy to give you a remedy for whatever bug you may have. It's better to be safe really, we don't want it to become something serious' she told her student sternly, eyes locked on dark brown ones. Padma nodded and shot her another smile, picked up her laden bag and forced herself to walk out of the room with as much dignity and strength as she could muster.

As soon as she reached the nearest bathroom and locked herself in a stall, she dropped the bag with a thump and slid down to the floor as the world started to spin. She braced herself against the wall with a groan and forced herself to sit up properly. Delving into her full bag, she found one of her water bottles and began to chug down the contents. A minute later, with a painfully full bladder, she pulled herself up to a standing position, the fog having receded to a grey mist at the edges of her peripheral vision. Heaving her bag onto her small back, she shuffled out of the stall and wearily made her way to Potions, meekly giving her apologies to her teacher, and sitting, relieved, at an empty table at the back of the smoke filled classroom.

That night, Padma couldn't even bring herself to go to dinner. Instead she promised herself an exchange, an early workout session followed by an early bed time. That night, she threw herself into her workout routine, vigour lended by the promise of sleep. After half an hour, she fell to the floor, surrounded by books and pieces of homework in varying stages of completion. With a whimper, she dragged her aching body to her water, and quickly consumed an entire bottle and doused herself in another. Shaking the water and fog from her head, she quickly changed into her pajamas, gathered up her school stuff and shoved them back into her bag with her workout clothes. She swiftly left her haven, and made her way to her dorm room. Reaching the quiet room, she noted the empty beds and hastily changed into baggy pajamas, before climbing into bed and with relief, sinking into the heavenly mattress. Mechanically she set up her charmed alarm clock and varying silencing spells around her before dropping her wand back on the bedside table and drawing up the quilt to burrow into the warmth that lay there.


End file.
